Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
637 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Cava's 'Unique Cuisine' Differentiates Them From... Other Restaurants
Mediterranean chain's CEO delivers the groundbreaking Bloomberg insight that their food is, in fact, their food.
Khalil Deportation Appeal Audit Reveals Predictable Failure
Federal court already torched the pro-Palestinian protester's case before the president’s crackdown escalates to the Supremes
CAA Moebius Audit Clears Ten Graduating Storytellers
Agency greenlights safe student shorts for the annual showcase with zero unexpected findings
Ebola Risk Audit Flags Very High Congo Alert
Agency confirms regional threat raised while global health danger remains conveniently low on the scale.
Author Defends AI After It Faked Quotes in His Book
Rosenbaum calls the synthetic mess a feature, not a bug, in The Future of Truth.
Wall Street Cheers Hormuz Impasse Like It's a Win
PR teams spin three months of fighting as 'constructive talks' over uranium stockpile and transit fees
Spotify's AI Now Fakes Your Daily Concert Chats
PR calls it 'personal podcasts' — reality is a robot scraping your streaming history to narrate fake local updates.
Toyota Calls PHEV Charging Stats 'Encouraging'
The automaker wants praise for plug-in hybrids getting plugged in more, because apparently not ignoring the cord entirely now counts as progress.
Volvo EV Audit Flags Ambitions That Never Left the Lot
An official review confirms it's been trying to keep the electric business alive while the gas exit got quietly shelved.
Ego Meter Spikes as Stars Worship a Damn Baguette
Blake Lively and Olivia Wilde hit peak delusion celebrating the Fendi bag like it's Carrie Bradshaw's gospel.
Treasury Rates Hit 2007 Levels: Audit Flags Total Nonsense
Long-term treasury yields just flashed pre-crisis numbers, turning every financial model into a guessing game about danger versus opportunity.
Vitol's Physical Gas Boost Puts Shell on Audit Notice
An absurdity audit of US commodity trading finds the largest trader overtakes rivals by boosting volumes in a booming physical market.
Clockwork's Rattlecreek Grab Exposes Warner Bros Hype Machine
Park Chan-Wook's buzzy Brigands package lands at the new label after years of Cannes circling.
Sebastian Stan's Cannes Anti-Trump Rant Audited
Cannes film promo turns into presidential lecture no one asked for
Japan Flushed Billions to Save Yen, It's Still Falling
Billions spent on 'market support' while the currency keeps free-falling like nobody's watching the ledger
AI Assistants ‘Succeed’ at Drug-Retargeting by Guessing Hypotheses
PR declares basic idea generation a scientific win while real analysis stays with humans
NextEra's Dominion Grab Turns Rising Bills Into AI Fuel
The acquisition spins data center hunger as opportunity while electricity costs explode for everyone else.
Warsh’s Fed Takeover Gets Crushed by Surging Bond Yields
White House rate-cut demands clash with colleagues and a bond market that just said hell no.