Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
636 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Absurdity Audit: Rubio Flashes White House Card at Modi
Bloomberg catches the state department trying to 'improve' ties by pretending the last decade never happened.
Costco Skate Session Hits New Delusion Levels
Watch boomers treat ollies between pallets as profound lessons in loss and mortality.
'Agree in Principle' on Hormuz: Enriched Uranium Stays Put
American and Iranian officials described the terms differently and stressed no deal has been signed
AI Executives Declare Us All Meat Computers
Philosophy's old term lands an ominous new job when cognitive science meets tech circles with zero self-awareness.
De Niro Swears Taxi Driver Never Became a Classic
The 50th anniversary screening at Tribeca gets the usual 'who knew' PR treatment from the man who lived in that driver role for months.
Monopoly Panini Audit: FIFA's Trading World Cup Cash Grab
Sarcastic findings reveal athletes fronting a hybrid no one needed, with one brutal verdict on the whole damn mess.
Absurdity Audit: Gunman Approached, Findings Transported
Secret Service review confirms opening fire near Pennsylvania Avenue remains a high-risk strategy
Barbra Skips Cannes, Fires Video Message at Her Own Palme
Knee injury keeps Streisand home while Cannes hands her an honorary statuette she can't collect in person.
Starship's 'Mostly Successful' Debut: Orbit? Still Not Today
SpaceX labels another test flight a win even though the starship never reached low-earth orbit.
Neon's Seventh Palme Streak Turns Cannes Into a One-Shop Stop
Cristian Mungiu’s Fjord keeps the distributor's consecutive run alive while everyone else pretends the fix isn't in.
Hollywood Ditches Pickleball for $20K Mahjong Tiles
Grandmother's favorite game now requires celebrity tables and the obligatory backlash about strategy disguised as fun.
Ferrari AI Audit: Superfans Still Mostly Imaginary
Scuderia partners with IBM to create superfans and somehow redefines the same old experience with extra dashboards.
Mubi Bankrolls Refn's Maniac Cop for Neon Slow-Mo
Full financing plus wide release promises the cop slasher gets stretched into three acts of traffic lights and regret.
Audit Finds One More Truce That Couldn't Outrun Saturday Strikes
Lebanese hospital damaged, paramedics funerals held while the 'fragile' label gets another workout.
Mubi Pays Up for 'Coward' After Cannes Ovation Scam
Another distributor bets big on standing applause while the actual movie stays safely unexamined.
Russian Satellites Orbit a RadarSat in Polite Menace Mode
The 'not common for typical missions' line tries to dress up four birds playing bumper cars with Ukrainian support hardware.
MobLand's Hardy Exit: Kill, Recast, or Send Him Upstairs?
Paramount+ turns an actor's abrupt departure into another 'creative choice' while the show stalls midstream.
Cava's 'Unique Cuisine' Differentiates Them From... Other Restaurants
Mediterranean chain's CEO delivers the groundbreaking Bloomberg insight that their food is, in fact, their food.