Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
651 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Featured Roast
Hillsborough Bill Finally Approved – Only 35 Years Late
MPs greenlight the law after the 1989 crush, proving government can move fast when the alternative is more paperwork.
Absurdity Audit: Tension Control Claims Cleared in Colombian Disappearance Film
Review declares impressive restraint while navigating the euphemistic expression around decades of government-linked cases.
Colombian Grief Gets Tension Control Audit
Review demonstrates impressive restraint over paramilitary disappearances that been ignored for decades
Aaron Lewis Blames Politics for Opry Blackball
The industry didn't turn its back — it just stopped pretending his act still worked.
China Recovered Reusable Rocket, Swears It’s Not Copying SpaceX
PR spin says they admire the work; reality shows they just replicated the whole damn playbook.
Nintendo’s Talking Flower Just Got Cheaper, Ego Meter Spiking
Another Mario character shilling positive affirmation while your wallet takes the real hit.
Oregon AG Rayfield Drops Documents Fight on Paramount-Warner Deal
Wanted a 60-day delay to poke around the merger. Lasted about as long as a corporate ethics seminar.
McGregor vs Holloway Rematch Livestream: Pure Fiction, Zero Belts
Watch the promotion sell a lightweight fantasy while reality stays in Washington with zero actual fights booked.
Ego Meter: $700 Portable Shower Hits Peak Delusion
Nothing screams backcountry authenticity like paying more than rent for festival hot water on demand.
CISA Built Its Incident Playbook While the Incident Was Already Happening
An agency meant to guard national cybersecurity admitted it was winging the response playbook on the fly after a contractor left passwords exposed on GitHub.
Rubio's Venezuela Grip: Manifestation of Power or Just a Mess
The secretary effectively runs another nation's resources while America calls it diplomacy.
Competition Entry Explores Abuse by Hiding in Plain Sight
Sarmiento's interview at Karlovy Vary turns childhood silence into award-season packaging with zero friction.
Burnham's Unopposed Nomination: Labour's Audit Finds Zero Rivals
Former Greater Manchester mayor coasts to replace Starmer as 322 MPs deliver the only verdict that matters
Ruf Flat-Eight Engine Debuts at Goodwood, Generates Pure Excess
Audit slams the eight-cylinder monster for delivering 1000 hp of unnecessary theater in a world that already has too many.
Chipmakers Power Stocks While Hostilities Get Shrugged Off
Wall Street calls a chip rebound 'resurgence' and treats US-Iran crap as background noise so markets can party
Microsoft Audit: AI Spots More Issues, Floods Customers
Patch Tuesday now ships higher volume of security updates because AI can identify potential problems sooner—surely that's progress.
Trump Demanded Loyalty While Europe Grabbed the Wheel
The president got the insults in but the alliance quietly accepted more european responsibility anyway
Audit Confirms Media's Video Pivot Is Round Two of Dumb
Publishers finally chase consumer attention after the facebook-driven interlude while TV loses its grasp.
Ollama Ego Meter Spikes as $65M Floods In
Benchmark-backed tool for developers nearly convinces itself it's still the scrappy open-source hero.