COPE
SEVERITY 72
🔥 FEATURED ROAST
Duke's 7-Foot 'Big Man' Too Fragile for Round 1
Top overall seed suddenly looks one player shorter than advertised
↳ March Madness5 days ago
▶ READ THE FULL ROAST
Fresh Burns
COPE
65
Prairie View A&M Advances... Barely
↳ March Madness5 days ago
HEADLINES
COPE
🔥75
Intelligence Report: China Unlikely to Invade Taiwan Next Year
↳ China5 days ago
CNN credits Trump's peace deals for Beijing's sudden restraint. The same experts who spent years calling him a Russian asset.
VERIFIED DISASTER
🔥85
Fed Holds Rates While Gas Explodes
↳ Fed5 days ago
Bureaucratic zombies ignore the Iran war inflation inferno
VERIFIED DISASTER
🔥85
Meta's AI Wants to Jack Your Mouse
↳ Meta5 days ago
Manus desktop app lets agents literally control your computer because fuck your privacy
🔥 Prairie View A&M Advances... Barely🔥 Pritzker Runs for Third Term to Launch Presidential Bid🔥 80-Year-Old VC Predicts AI Bloodbath🔥 New Bachelorette Already Under Investigation🔥 NVIDIA Unveils 'Agentic AI' That Still Can't Fix Your WiFi🔥 Intelligence Report: China Unlikely to Invade Taiwan Next Year🔥 Fed Holds Rates While Gas Explodes🔥 Meta's AI Wants to Jack Your Mouse🔥 Nvidia drops $17B on Groq tech then copies it🔥 Trump's 'Massive Blow Up' Energy Plan
This Week’s Damage
ABSOLUTE CHAOS
85
Nvidia drops $17B on Groq tech then copies it
↳ NVIDIA5 days ago
HEADLINES
VERIFIED DISASTER
🔥85
Iranian Missiles: Now Hitting Their Own Gas Fields
↳ Iran5 days ago
Tehran accidentally bombing the world's largest natural gas reserve while trying to look tough
VERIFIED DISASTER
🔥85
DOGE Bros Used ChatGPT to Cancel Holocaust Doc
↳ DOGE6 days ago
Sworn testimony: Elon’s efficiency nerds asked AI to axe $100M in DEI grants, including Jewish slave labor film
VERIFIED DISASTER
🔥85
JENSEN WEARS THE SAME JACKET FOR 12 YEARS
↳ NVIDIA6 days ago
Announces Vera Rubin like it's a personality while CUDA celebrates its 20th birthday at a $4T funeral for your GPU
📬 ROAST STATION DISPATCH
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(They seemed fine at the time.)