DOJ's Terrorism Hack: Mexicans Are the New Terrorists?
Justice Department instructs prosecutors to slap terrorism charges on Mexican officials for drug shit. Because nothing says 'War on Drugs' like rebranding cartels as al-Qaeda cosplayers.
Fresh Burns
Quick Hits
- 01PoliticsSPICY 78
Streeting's Ego Meter Explodes: Health Sec Quits for King Dreams

- 02EntertainmentMEDIUM 68
Absurdity Audit: Indo-Pak Singer Showdown in Toronto

- 03WorldMEDIUM 68
Ego Meter: University Squad Dives into Maldives Cave for Eternal Glory

- 04EntertainmentMEDIUM 68
Amazon's Faith Drama: Refreshingly Raw or Peak Corporate Halo Polish?

- 05PoliticsMEDIUM 68
Xi's Putin Name-Drop: Diplomatic Garden Flirt or Putin-Shaming?

- 06CelebritiesSPICY 78
CNN Trending: Doomsday Karaoke Night?

Where the guardrails come off.
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