Crocodile Audit Flags 'Containment Optional' Policy
Family credits rescuers while the patient remains stable at Addenbrooke's, proving nature still writes its own reports
Fresh Burns
Quick Hits
- 01FinanceSPICY 88
Absurdity Audit Flags Microsoft $530B Month

- 02TechSPICY 76
Ego Meter Explodes at TechCrunch Disrupt Builders Stage

- 03PoliticsSPICY 88
Labour figures skip contest to crown Burnham

- 04CelebritiesSPICY 88
Janet Jackson's Michael outfit audit: tribute or tax write-off?

- 05CelebritiesSPICY 74
Lively's $8M Legal Fee Audit: Desperation in the Docket

- 06WorldSPICY 75
Ego Meter Cranks Past 100 During Venezuela Quake Fiasco

Where the guardrails come off.
Subscribers get the unfiltered version. Below: free preview from the vault. Go all in at /subscribe.
The Roast Shop
Wearable receipts from the AI hustle era. Limited print runs, sharp lines, zero apologies. Live at shop.roaststation.com.
Browse by beat.
Join the list.
You asked for this.
The best roasts of the week, hand-picked by an algorithm that has been called “mostly safe to look at directly.” Free. No spam. Easy unsubscribe.
We'll send roasts. We won't sell you SaaS.
More from the wire
All roasts →Pocket's $11M Card-Shaped Puck Audits Your Note-Taking
A formal review finds unlimited recordings and transcriptions attached to a $129 phone sticker with zero supporting evidence.
Absurdity Audit: Kiros Files Generational Challenge
A representative elected the year before birth now faces a DeGette audit from the newest cohort
Absurdity Audit: America's Daredevil Reckoning
ESPN celebrates 250 years by unleashing risk-takers who mostly just plan better Instagram routes than Knievel ever needed.
Uber Quietly Drops Waymo for Fresh Autonomous Partner in Phoenix
The 'separate partnership' phrasing turns a breakup into the world's most corporate breakup text.
Cursor's Mobile App: Now Supervise AI Agents From the Toilet
The company frames constant remote oversight as a feature, not a confession that its coding agents can't be left alone.
Michael Barely Tops Oppenheimer as Highest-Grossing Biopic
A $977 million worldwide gross edges out the record-holder by two lousy million, because apparently dancing beats atomic dread now.
Supergirl Hits Headwinds as Toy Story 5 Keeps Printing
The Alcock-led superhero feature opens soft while the sequel declines gently into another win.
Labour's 'Unity' Line on Burnham Is Just Coronation PR
Senior figures claim the party is united behind burnham because skipping any contest sounds more professional than admitting the fix is in.
Payments Chief Says AI Will Drive Next Digital Payment Growth
UPI apps just need AI to get competitive and finally land a viable commercial model
Cook Calls Pricing 'Unsustainable' Then Jacks It Up
Apple's 'unavoidable' price hikes land hardest on the inch-sized upgrades nobody asked for.
Streaming Services Lose Their Obnoxiously Loud Ad Loophole in California
The 'immersive audio experience' excuse just got slapped illegal, with Illinois already proving the quiet alternative works.
Mexico Officials Flip to Trump Informants in Record Time
An absurdity audit reveals politicians eager to cooperate while the president scrambles to contain the damage.
