The Archive
Every headline.
162 burns and counting.
The complete chronological index of every Roast Station headline. Click any one to read the full roast. Pulled live from the catalog — updated as new pieces ship.
May 202610 roasts
Google's AI Spam Audit: Now Banning Your Sneaky Bullshit Tricks
Tech · May 15DOJ's Terrorism Hack: Mexicans Are the New Terrorists?
Politics · May 15Ego Meter: University Squad Dives into Maldives Cave for Eternal Glory
World · May 15Devil Wears Prada 2 Ego Meter Hits Runway Stratosphere
Entertainment · May 15Amazon's Faith Drama: Refreshingly Raw or Peak Corporate Halo Polish?
Entertainment · May 15Xi's Putin Name-Drop: Diplomatic Garden Flirt or Putin-Shaming?
Politics · May 15Streeting's Ego Meter Explodes: Health Sec Quits for King Dreams
Politics · May 14Absurdity Audit: Indo-Pak Singer Showdown in Toronto
Entertainment · May 14Saudi & UAE's Secret Iran BBQ: US Guarantees Now Toilet Paper
World · May 14War Fallout 'Favors' Home Shoppers Like a Shark Favors Swimmers
Finance · May 14
April 202672 roasts
TMZ's 'Disturbing' Scoop: Celeb Dog Zepa Kicks the Kennel
Tech · Apr 8Easter Miracle: Kid's Autism Win Becomes Celeb Holiday
Celebrities · Apr 8ABC News: Trusted Source or Trusted Snooze?
Culture · Apr 8CNN Trending: Doomsday Karaoke Night?
Celebrities · Apr 8Bird Crashes Deep-Sea Party in Homemade Sub
Entertainment · Apr 8Social Media Today: Infinite Scroll of Self-Obsession
Culture · Apr 8BBC Football Page: Eternal Loop of Booted Banality
Sports · Apr 8Bleacher Report's PSG-LFC 'Highlights': Code for Insanity?
Sports · Apr 8Reuters Business: Where Excitement Goes to Die
World · Apr 7Zendaya's Movie Mouthpiece Drops Bombshell, Internet Loses It
Celebrities · Apr 7Zendaya's 'Drama' Confession: Oscar or Outrage?
Celebrities · Apr 7NDTV's News Avalanche: Feast or Famine?
Sports · Apr 7Paris Hilton's Mini-Me Easter: Twinning Toddlers & Oprah Bags
Celebrities · Apr 7TMZ Drops Serial Killer Mic: Heuermann's Mega Guilty Plea
Tech · Apr 7Iran Rescue: Action Flick or Actual Fiasco?
Tech · Apr 7UConn's Title Threesome: Big Game Bangers or Bracket Bullies?
Sports · Apr 7Elon's Circus: Fires Everywhere, Investors Clap
Finance · Apr 6BBC Homepage: The News Buffet Black Hole
Sports · Apr 6USA TODAY: The News Equivalent of Elevator Muzak
Sports · Apr 6UConn's Big-Game Cheat Code: Title III Loading
Sports · Apr 6NBC News: Teasers So Tiny, They're Micro-News
Sports · Apr 6UConn's Big-Game Bonanza: March Snoozefest?
Sports · Apr 6Today Star's Mom Ghosts, She Goes Viral on Faith
Tech · Apr 6Savannah's Return: Fans Siege NBC Like It's Woodstock
Tech · Apr 6BBC Football: The Infinite Scroll of Meh
Sports · Apr 6ESPN: Serving Addiction, Not Sports
Sports · Apr 6Tariffs Go Nuclear: Businesses Whine, Get Walloped
Culture · Apr 6Indian Express Biz: Ticker Tape Toilet Paper
Finance · Apr 6TMZ's Birthday Bash: Bikini Autopsy Edition
Tech · Apr 6Celebs Cram Four Holidays into One Outfit
Tech · Apr 6USA Today: Breaking the News... of Being News
Sports · Apr 6Sora: OpenAI's AI Video Fling Ends in Ghost Town
Tech · Apr 6Humans Let AI Do Their Thinking, Regret Nothing
Tech · Apr 3Earth Pics from Space: NASA's Greatest Hits, Vol. 47
Tech · Apr 3FOX NFL Highlights: Slow-Mo Circus of Grown Men Grunting
Sports · Apr 3Bleacher Report's Odds Onslaught: Sports or Slot Machine?
Sports · Apr 3OpenAI Parks COO in 'Special Projects' Siberia
Tech · Apr 3Meloni's MBS Oil Begathon: Euro Desperation Tour
Politics · Apr 3Coup Captain Ditches Democracy: 'Forget It!'
World · Apr 3Trump's $1.5T Defense Bonanza Amid Gutting Granny's Groceries
Politics · Apr 37 Interviews, 2 Months, 1 Epic 'No Thanks': Hiring Gone Mad
Culture · Apr 3Charity Jacket's Pocket Bombshell: Sh*tshow Special
Culture · Apr 3Charity Jacket Jackpot? More Like Pocket Poopshoot
Culture · Apr 3USA TODAY's Dino-Leather to Death-Giggle Carousel
Tech · Apr 3Divorce-to-Dream-Home in 14 Days Flat
Tech · Apr 3Britney's Insta Family Pic: Wholesome or PR Plot Twist?
Tech · Apr 3Kid Conquers Motocross Whoops, Experts Lose Their Minds
Sports · Apr 2Bleacher Report's 'News': Straight-Up Vegas Odds Dump
Sports · Apr 2HELLO!: Celeb Gossip as Your Daily Bread
Celebrities · Apr 2USA TODAY Celebs: Gossip So Hot It Needs Sunscreen
Celebrities · Apr 2Google News Serves War with Weather
Tech · Apr 2GOP's 'Path' to End Shutdown: More Hurdles Than a Bad Gym Class
Tech · Apr 2ESPN: Serving Ads, Not Sports, Anytime Anywhere
Sports · Apr 2USA TODAY Sports: Where Stats Bury the Fun
Sports · Apr 2ASX Risk Practices: Still in Diapers
Finance · Apr 1Artemis II: Moon Flyby, 52 Years Late
Tech · Apr 1FOX Sports' Scoreboard: Thrilling Numbers Await!
Sports · Apr 1USA Today Sports: The Infinite Scroll of Meh
Sports · Apr 1Director's Hot Tip: 'Suck In Your Gut, Star!'
Entertainment · Apr 1Sahiba Bali's Zombie Scandals Rise Again
Celebrities · Apr 1Twitch 'E-Puppy' Sleeps in Crate, Fetches Fame
Culture · Apr 1Fox News: Rage-Bait Buffet, Always Open
Culture · Apr 1PK's One-Year Rebound: RHOBH Ex Trades Wives Like Cards
Celebrities · Apr 1Skull-Vibes on Sale: Tech's Lamest 'Trending' News
Tech · Apr 1Techmeme Serves IRGC Rants & Big Tech Cyber Doomscroll
Tech · Apr 1Gen Z Lines Up for Payphones, Hates Calls Anyway
Tech · Apr 1Wall Street Wagers War Ends Before Close
Finance · Apr 1Sports Scores Trend: Games Actually Happened!
Sports · Apr 1Hubby's Secret Online Alter Ego Sparks Security Circus
Tech · Apr 1USA Today: KitKat Heists to Moon Menaces
Tech · Apr 1Yahoo News: Breaking News from the Dial-Up Era
Culture · Apr 1CNN Trending: Moonshots to Amazon Sales in One Scroll
Culture · Apr 1
March 202680 roasts
Barbie Dream Fest: Pink Hype, Reality's Buzzkill
Culture · Mar 31Judge Saves NPR from Trump's Axe, Library Tower Soars
Finance · Mar 31NFL Highlights: Football's Infinite Replay Button
Sports · Mar 31AP's Oddities: News' Designated Freak Show
Culture · Mar 31CNN's 'Breaking News': The Infinite Scroll of Meh
Tech · Mar 31Elite Eight Eats Baseball Polls for Breakfast
Sports · Mar 31Sports Betting Odds: Gambling's Daily Dose of Denial
Sports · Mar 31The Hindu's Infinite News Vortex Sucks You In
Sports · Mar 30Newsweek: In-Depth Analysis or Infinite Scroll?
Tech · Mar 30Sci-Fi Solo Act Legs Past Franchise Fizzle: 'Only' 32% Drop!
Tech · Mar 30UConn Kid's 35-Foot Buzzer Beater Defies Physics
Tech · Mar 30Big Tech's AI Debt Party: Trillions for Glitchy Ghosts
Tech · Mar 30Tech's Triple Whammy: Screen Nannies, Rocket Bets, Pricier Pixels
Tech · Mar 30Pyfer KOs Izzy After 'Almost Offed Myself' Bombshell
Sports · Mar 30Elite 8 Evisceration: Brackets Meet the Woodchipper
Sports · Mar 30Reuters Biz: Global Thrills or Snooze Fest?
World · Mar 29Savannah's Today Tears: Expert Cracks the Code
Tech · Mar 29HELLO! Mag: Celeb Lives, Now With 100% More Drama Filters
Celebrities · Mar 29Lloyds' Car Loan Circus: 30K Sue for £66M Lemon Fix
Politics · Mar 29Reuters Business: Headlines So Bland They Need IV Fluids
World · Mar 29Tech News: Groundhog Day for Gadgets
Tech · Mar 29WTO's Digital Trade Rules: Consensus? Nah, Potluck Style
Tech · Mar 29Ex-Google MD's MacBook Gift Meets Dad's Box Obsession
Culture · Mar 28NDTV's Viral Black Hole Swallows Sanity
Culture · Mar 28Tiger Woods: Fairway King, Freeway Flipper
Tech · Mar 28March Madness: Brackets Enter Witness Protection
Culture · Mar 28HELLO! Magazine's Creepy Celeb Death Ticker
Celebrities · Mar 28Jane McDonald's 11th Album Cruises Straight to #1 – Sanity Check Needed
Entertainment · Mar 28Bachelor Bends Rules for TikTok Trainwreck, Eats Backfire
Sports · Mar 28Jane McDonald’s 11th Album Cruises to #1 – Physics Defied
Entertainment · Mar 28Craig Melvin's Mom-Nap Fury: Bitcoin Bait or TV Stunt?
Tech · Mar 27HELLO! Mag: Celeb Drama on Infinite Loop
Celebrities · Mar 27Clavicular Looksmaxxer Cuffed in Florida
Sports · Mar 27Viral Dog Escape Saga: Total AI Fabric-A-Thon
Tech · Mar 27DHS Funded Like a Half-Assed DIY Kit
Culture · Mar 27Savannah's Mom Hunt: 'Today' Return Is Her 'Purpose'?
Culture · Mar 27USA Today's Tech Section Is Just Best Buy's Newsletter
Tech · Mar 26Tech Giants May Face Consequences, Experts Unsure What Those Are
Tech · Mar 26Buffalo Loses To Boston, Sun Rises In East
Sports · Mar 26USA Today's Sports Page Is Just A Website Description
Sports · Mar 26Iran Claims F/A-18 Kill; Jet Files Flight Plan Home
Tech · Mar 26USA Today's Big Story Is: They Still Exist
Sports · Mar 26March Madness: Where Your Bracket Goes to Die and Your Boss Pretends Not to Notice
Sports · Mar 21The Social Network Where Failure Is Rebranded as a Journey
Tech · Mar 21Netflix Giveth and Netflix Taketh Away (Before You Finish Season 1)
Entertainment · Mar 21The Market That Cried Wolf — And Then Ate the Wolf for Lunch
Finance · Mar 21The Age of AI Has Arrived and Nobody Knows How to Code
Tech · Mar 21Hegseth: $200B Iran Tab 'Could Move'
Politics · Mar 19Ex-Anthropic Grifters Launch $1B Ghost Startup
Tech · Mar 19Nothing CEO Says Apps Will Disappear
Tech · Mar 19Duke's 7-Foot 'Big Man' Too Fragile for Round 1
Sports · Mar 19Prairie View A&M Advances... Barely
Sports · Mar 19Pritzker Runs for Third Term to Launch Presidential Bid
Politics · Mar 1980-Year-Old VC Predicts AI Bloodbath
Tech · Mar 19New Bachelorette Already Under Investigation
Celebrities · Mar 19NVIDIA Unveils 'Agentic AI' That Still Can't Fix Your WiFi
Tech · Mar 19Intelligence Report: China Unlikely to Invade Taiwan Next Year
World · Mar 19Fed Holds Rates While Gas Explodes
Politics · Mar 19Meta's AI Wants to Jack Your Mouse
Tech · Mar 19Nvidia drops $17B on Groq tech then copies it
Tech · Mar 19Trump's 'Massive Blow Up' Energy Plan
Politics · Mar 19Iran Finally Hits Palestinians
World · Mar 19Car Magazine Crowns Chip Bro 'Person of the Year'
Tech · Mar 19Josh D'Amaro 'Humbled' Into Disney Throne
Entertainment · Mar 19Iranian Missiles: Now Hitting Their Own Gas Fields
World · Mar 19DOGE Bros Used ChatGPT to Cancel Holocaust Doc
Politics · Mar 18JENSEN WEARS THE SAME JACKET FOR 12 YEARS
Tech · Mar 18Trump's Got the 'Honor' of Taking Cuba
Politics · Mar 18America's $10B 'Oops' in Iran
World · Mar 184 AIs Say BTC $250K, Claude Says 'Lol No'
Tech · Mar 18Judge Bans Proof That AI Runs the Government
Politics · Mar 18THUNDER CLINCH WHILE NOBODY NOTICED
Sports · Mar 18Sara Bareilles Saves the World With a Pin
Celebrities · Mar 18BLOCKCHAIN JUST 'AI'-WASHED A $400M DEAL
Tech · Mar 18March Madness 2026: Toddlers With Jump Shots
Sports · Mar 18Trump 'Totally Demolished' Iran, Oil Prices Disagree
World · Mar 18Elon Tried to Debug Humanity
Politics · Mar 18UAE's Brave 5-Minute Stand Against Israel
World · Mar 18DOGE Staffer: 'Yeah, We Couldn't Cut Shit'
Politics · Mar 18SEC CLEARS CRYPTO: 'It's All Just Magic Internet Beans'
Tech · Mar 18
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