Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
637 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
NextEra’s Dominion Buy: Data Hunger Meets Your Bill
PR spins the acquisition as grid security while electricity rates climb on data center demand.
China Enlists Courts to Stop AI Job Displacement
Precedent-setting rulings promise AI can flourish without workers paying the expense.
Karpathy Ditches OpenAI for Anthropic Pre-Training Audit
The co-founder who helped build the model now shows up at the rival's lab to fix their foundation layers.
PR Spins Oil Tar Pit on Protected Persian Sanctuary
Turquoise beaches now come with free wildlife taxidermy, but don't worry, it's just a 'contained anomaly.'
Absurdity Audit: Closed-Door Greenland Negotiations
U.S. demands major role while Greenlandic officials scramble to defuse the president's seizure threats with zero leverage.
Absurdity Audit: Musk's Delayed OpenAI Suit Gets Unanimously Torched
Jury's decision lands fast and the judge immediately affirmed it, turning the whole appeal into expensive theater.
Absurdity Audit: Trump's Taiwan Freeze Hands Beijing Easy Wins
The president's willingness to ice a $14 billion arms package already lets China weigh its next moves with zero resistance
Disney's Face Scan Audit: Magic Kingdom Meets Surveillance State
A class action claims visitors are unknowingly feeding facial recognition tools at park entrances while no one reads the fine print.
Google's AI Spam Audit: Now Banning Your Sneaky Bullshit Tricks
In a shock twist, the search giant labels 'manipulation' attempts as spam—because nothing screams innovation like policing your own dumpster fire.
DOJ's Terrorism Hack: Mexicans Are the New Terrorists?
Justice Department instructs prosecutors to slap terrorism charges on Mexican officials for drug shit. Because nothing says 'War on Drugs' like rebranding cartels as al-Qaeda cosplayers.
Ego Meter: University Squad Dives into Maldives Cave for Eternal Glory
Five Italians from Genoa turn a tropical scuba jaunt into the ultimate underwater ego implosion. Delusion level: submarine.
Devil Wears Prada 2 Ego Meter Hits Runway Stratosphere
Emily Blunt's nail artist drops 'secrets' to perfection—inspired by Debbie Harry, because nothing screams high fashion like a 1980s punk icon's claws.
Amazon's Faith Drama: Refreshingly Raw or Peak Corporate Halo Polish?
Prime Video chases 'The Chosen' bucks with a family saga that's 'not like that'—because nothing says edgy like Christianity with product placement.
Xi's Putin Name-Drop: Diplomatic Garden Flirt or Putin-Shaming?
Chinese leader's private garden stroll with Trump screams 'exclusivity'—by casually invoking Russia’s president as the ultimate 'for example.'
Streeting's Ego Meter Explodes: Health Sec Quits for King Dreams
Resignation letter drops amid leadership challenge whispers—because nothing screams 'stable genius' like ditching the health crisis for a Starmer smackdown.
Absurdity Audit: Indo-Pak Singer Showdown in Toronto
Talwiinder's collab with controversial Pakistani artist Hasan Raheem sparks fan war hotter than a tandoor. Findings: Pure diplomatic disaster dressed as music.
Saudi & UAE's Secret Iran BBQ: US Guarantees Now Toilet Paper
Gulf royals, tired of America's limp security guarantees, decide to grapple with Iran the old-fashioned way: uninvited airstrikes.
War Fallout 'Favors' Home Shoppers Like a Shark Favors Swimmers
AP News decodes economic Armageddon as 'trends' while your mortgage dreams drown in Iranian fallout — PR spin so thick you need a gas mask.