Roast Station
Tech Archive
185 roasts filed under Tech. Filtered archive, newest first.
SpaceX's $75 Billion IPO: AI Buzzword Edition
Historic debut or just another mega-listings grab dressed up with artificial intelligence to juice the valuation.
Qi2 Batteries Sell 25W Wireless Charging as Progress
New certified models magnetically snap to iPhone yet still lose to any decent cable you already own
Instagram Alerts Victims After AI Chatbot Hands Accounts to Hackers
Meta claims the AI-powered fix worked, yet hackers appeared to drain accounts anyway and Instagram is now 'notifying' everyone involved.
Amazon Search Now Shows Products That Don't Exist
AI images let you browse fantasy clothing and home goods while the real catalog stays empty
EU Plots Escape From American Tech, Forgets How Dependence Started
The union outlined a master plan for local semiconductors and cloud computing that somehow ignores two decades of happy outsourcing.
Blue Origin Swears Its Propellant Farm Is Ready for Aggressive Return-to-Flight
The company calls its liquid hydrogen and oxygen tanks 'in good shape' while promising New Glenn flies this year.
Blue Origin's Aggressive Timeline Comes With Fresh Tanks
The company insists its propellant, oxygen, and liquid hydrogen systems are ready, which is corporate for 'please ignore the rest of the rocket.'
Alphabet to Raise $80B Selling Stock for AI Buildout
Google's parent just discovered that trillion-dollar valuations still need fresh capital when the future costs this much.
Borderlands Creator Drags Pixel Watch From the Deep
Randy Pitchford's underwater 'find' exposes Google's next watch before the PR team can even spin it.
Florida's First-of-Its-Kind Lawsuit Audits ChatGPT's Influence
A university shooting gets the official blame treatment while everyone pretends AI pulled the trigger.
Anthropic Files Paperwork and Calls It a Milestone
The 'official' securities commission submission turns speculation into the polite fiction that growth requires an audience of investors.
Joby Demoed Its Electric Aircraft Over Manhattan—Seats Still Empty
Start-ups and the administration pitch helicopter replacements that look futuristic until regulators demand actual proof they won't crash.
Valve Turned Their Controller Into a One-Man Cover Band
Because nothing screams innovation like a Steam device performing Mario while the actual hardware issues sit unaddressed.
Art TVs Get 'Notable' Discounting While Staying Stupid Expensive
Woot spins Hisense CanvasTV and Samsung Frame as your new favorites at 40% off, because nothing exposes corporate bullshit like TVs priced like actual paintings.
Valve's Controller Performing Mario While Ignoring Actual Problems
PR calls the rumble motor a concert; reality says it's still a half-baked input device dodging its own launch failures
Meta's AI Pendant Escalates Neck-Based Paranoia
Reportedly developing hardware that tracks your every thought like a jealous ex with venture capital.
VCs Half-Kiddingly Confess AI Groupthink Frenzy
Three top investors admit they're already handing Series A checks to 19-year-olds in Francisco because everyone else is doing it.
AI Wave Drags Dot-Com Relics Back to the Forefront
Dell, Lenovo and Nokia ride unrelenting artificial demand while calling it innovation.