Topic
Big Tech
Satire
Roasts of the companies running the algorithm-industrial complex.
Big Tech satire — the trillion-dollar handful who run the algorithm-industrial complex. We roast NVIDIA earnings theater, Meta's pivots, Google's AI lurch, Amazon's warehouse drama, and the Silicon Valley founder mythology that powers it all.
50 roasts in this topic and counting.
Every Big Techroast we've published
- tech·MEDIUM 62
SpaceX Ego Meter: From Far-Out Odds to $2 Trillion Peak
Every new funding round and launch pushes the dial further into delusion territory for the unlikely juggernaut.
- finance·MEDIUM 61
SpaceX Trading Milestone Creates First Trillionaire
A 20 percent stock pop lets the world's richest person cross into 13-digit territory with zero new product shipped.
- tech·SPICY 72
Siri's Big Upgrade: 15 Years of Disastrous Bullshit
Even the most patient users get forgiven for expecting basic competence after this long.
- finance·MEDIUM 62
Absurdity Audit: Markets Bank on SpaceX and Iran Optimism
Wall Street's latest audit reveals stocks rising on diplomatic fantasies while oil dips and SpaceX fuels the rally.
- finance·SPICY 72
S&P Climbs on Iran Deal Fantasies and SpaceX IPO Hype
Investors treat vague peace whispers like gospel while salivating over SpaceX's record payday.
- finance·SPICY 73
SpaceX SPV Lock-Ups: Lower-Tier Investors Get Shafted
Post-IPO audit finds hidden fees and lengthy waits before anyone learns their real holdings.
- tech·SPICY 85
Blink's Six-Piece Bundle: Discounted Eyes on Everything
Prime Day marks a five-pack of outdoor cameras plus doorbell down to $167 because apparently one lens wasn't paranoid enough.
- tech·SPICY 72
Roborock Ego Meter Spikes as Q10 S5 Plus Hits Cut-Price Glory
The robovac's 'impressive' value claim escalates from casual discount to full delusion at $270.
- tech·SPICY 74
Zest App Claims Receipts Are the New AI Oracle
Transaction data now powers 'real' restaurant recommendations because your frequent spots weren't obvious enough.
- tech·MEDIUM 62
Absurdity Audit Slams Tech's Expensive AI Addiction
Report finds workloads could be handled by cheaper models without affecting results, rewriting the economics overnight.
- finance·SPICY 72
Wall Street Calls Tech Exodus a 'Rotation'
Investors are ditching all-weather earnings for anything promising better prospects while uncertainty still looms.
- finance·SPICY 72
Chipmaker Panic Exposes Markets' Thin-Skinned Escalation Fetish
Tech stocks fold like cheap suits while investors pretend 'jitters' are just a temporary speed bump.
- tech·MEDIUM 62
Apple Swears Its AI Stays Private on Google's Servers
Running models elsewhere supposedly changes nothing about who can see what.
- tech·SPICY 73
Apple's watchOS 27: Siri AI Edition, Same Old Delays
Redesigned grids and fitness tweaks sell the dream while support for actual help stays on the autumn maybe-later list.
- tech·SPICY 88
Google Hides Gemini 3.5 Upgrade Behind Enterprise Wall
NotebookLM gets antigravity and fresh Gemini flavor, but only if your company already pays the premium tax
- finance·MEDIUM 62
Absurdity Audit: Banks Weaponize SpaceX Listing for Elite Clients
Findings show Wall Street's management hustle hitting new lows as the rich buy front-row seats to the IPO.
- finance·MEDIUM 62
Markets Treat Good Jobs Data Like a Hostile Takeover
Tech-led selloff and missile headlines give equities the jitters while 'robust' growth revives interest-rate fears.
- tech·SPICY 75
Absurdity Audit: NASA Sheltered Astronauts in Dragon Over Leaks
Roscosmos findings force brief shelter as Russian module springs more holes than a colander in orbit.
- tech·SPICY 72
Absurdity Audit: Meta Flunks Its Own Ban Process Exam
Oversight board demands transparency after years of opaque account bans and AI determinations nobody can question.
- tech·SPICY 72
Absurdity Audit: Hyperscalers Finally Tackle Their Water Mess
Operators swear they're fixing availability and quality while guzzling billions of gallons for AI.
- tech·SPICY 75
SpaceX's $75 Billion IPO: AI Buzzword Edition
Historic debut or just another mega-listings grab dressed up with artificial intelligence to juice the valuation.
- tech·SPICY 73
Qi2 Batteries Sell 25W Wireless Charging as Progress
New certified models magnetically snap to iPhone yet still lose to any decent cable you already own
- tech·MEDIUM 62
Amazon Search Now Shows Products That Don't Exist
AI images let you browse fantasy clothing and home goods while the real catalog stays empty
- tech·SPICY 72
EU Plots Escape From American Tech, Forgets How Dependence Started
The union outlined a master plan for local semiconductors and cloud computing that somehow ignores two decades of happy outsourcing.
- tech·MEDIUM 58
Alphabet to Raise $80B Selling Stock for AI Buildout
Google's parent just discovered that trillion-dollar valuations still need fresh capital when the future costs this much.
- tech·SPICY 74
Borderlands Creator Drags Pixel Watch From the Deep
Randy Pitchford's underwater 'find' exposes Google's next watch before the PR team can even spin it.
- tech·SPICY 88
Meta's AI Pendant Escalates Neck-Based Paranoia
Reportedly developing hardware that tracks your every thought like a jealous ex with venture capital.
- tech·MEDIUM 62
AI Wave Drags Dot-Com Relics Back to the Forefront
Dell, Lenovo and Nokia ride unrelenting artificial demand while calling it innovation.
- tech·SPICY 75
Groq Begs $650M After Nvidia's $20B Not-Aqui-Hire
Chipmaker ditches hardware for inference while reportedly praying internal cash fixes the mess
- tech·SPICY 75
Corgi Doubles Its Valuation in Three Weeks Like Math Is Optional
The insurance tech firm just announced another $106 million raise at $2.6 billion, proving Series B rounds can apparently multiply overnight when the hype machine runs hot.
- tech·MEDIUM 62
Thiel's Argentina Escape Sends Ego Meter Into Orbit
A billionaire's right-wing beliefs and US concerns fuel the ultimate relocation flex.
- tech·SPICY 74
Google Staffer Allegedly Turns Search Trends Into $1.2M Polymarket Haul
Prosecutors drop the now-unsealed complaint and suddenly everyone wonders how many more employees are quietly cashing in.
- tech·MEDIUM 62
Feds Warn 'Anti-Tech Extremism' Is the New Threat
Law enforcement raises the alarm on a fresh category of danger that seems to mean anyone rolling their eyes at AI hype.
- tech·SPICY 88
TechCrunch Battlefield 200: Apply Now to Lose Quietly
Applications close May 27 for the startup visibility that mostly means your rejection gets archived with the others.
- tech·SPICY 74
TechCrunch's 'Early Bird Savings' Is Just a Price Hike Countdown
Register now or pay the new increased prices for Disrupt 2026 because nothing says innovation like manufactured urgency in San Francisco.
- tech·MEDIUM 62
Gadgets That Make Your Adulting Feel Like a Win
TechCrunch pushes kitchen robots for stirring soup and kneading dough as proof you've nailed adulthood.
- tech·SPICY 74
Starship's 'Mostly Successful' Debut: Orbit? Still Not Today
SpaceX labels another test flight a win even though the starship never reached low-earth orbit.
- tech·SPICY 78
Google's AI Spam Audit: Now Banning Your Sneaky Bullshit Tricks
In a shock twist, the search giant labels 'manipulation' attempts as spam—because nothing screams innovation like policing your own dumpster fire.
- entertainment·MEDIUM 68
Amazon's Faith Drama: Refreshingly Raw or Peak Corporate Halo Polish?
Prime Video chases 'The Chosen' bucks with a family saga that's 'not like that'—because nothing says edgy like Christianity with product placement.
- entertainment·MEDIUM 68
Bird Crashes Deep-Sea Party in Homemade Sub
Feathered thrill-seeker dives in submersible, proves pigeons are overachievers
- finance·SPICY 78
Elon's Circus: Fires Everywhere, Investors Clap
Tesla tanks, X flops, SpaceX explodes—yet Wall Street's still swiping right on Musk.
- politics·MEDIUM 68
Meloni's MBS Oil Begathon: Euro Desperation Tour
Italy's PM jets to Saudi for emergency petrol hugs, because 'energy security' means kissing the ring of desert royals.
- tech·SPICY 72
Google News Serves War with Weather
Algorithms think 'Iran conflict nearing end' pairs perfectly with your 5-day forecast—um, what?
- tech·SPICY 72
Techmeme Serves IRGC Rants & Big Tech Cyber Doomscroll
Iranian threats crash the party with DHS drama – because nothing says 'tech news' like global beef and unpaid cyber bills.
- tech·SPICY 78
Gen Z Lines Up for Payphones, Hates Calls Anyway
USA Today's tech roundup: Nostalgia queues, dead desktops, and endless headphone deals in retail's price apocalypse.
- tech·SPICY 78
Big Tech's AI Debt Party: Trillions for Glitchy Ghosts
Borrowing like broke uncles at a casino, chasing chatbots that crash mid-sentence.
- tech·SPICY 78
Tech's Triple Whammy: Screen Nannies, Rocket Bets, Pricier Pixels
UK slaps kid screen limits while SpaceX memes explode and Sony jacks up PS5—priorities, people?
- tech·MEDIUM 68
Tech News: Groundhog Day for Gadgets
Same phones, laptops, and hype—every site, every day. Wake us when it's actually new.
- tech·SPICY 72
WTO's Digital Trade Rules: Consensus? Nah, Potluck Style
World traders finally agree on rules—by ditching everyone who disagrees. Peak bureaucracy hack.
- culture·MEDIUM 68
Ex-Google MD's MacBook Gift Meets Dad's Box Obsession
Viral vid shows tech success crashing into practical parent logic—pure gold.