Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
629 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Ego Meter Breaks as Film Chases Consciousness With Pure Psychodrama
Review clocks each new level of delusion where overreacting passes for art and most people just back away.
Absurdity Audit: Pakistan's Intermediary Declares Iran Deal Expected
Official findings reveal a peace process built on hope, spin, and one hell of a timeline.
FISA Expires Tonight, Spying Certified Till 2027
Section 702 goes through the motions of death while the surveillance state just keeps the receipts.
Balogun and Pulisic Ratings Spin a Cup-Opening Fairy Tale
ESPN hands out team-best grades like participation trophies while the rest of the USMNT looked like they showed up for the paycheck.
SpaceX Ego Meter: From Far-Out Odds to $2 Trillion Peak
Every new funding round and launch pushes the dial further into delusion territory for the unlikely juggernaut.
Starmer's Hard-Edged Defence: Justifies Spending As Secretary Bails
The PM insists he has a duty to stay while his latest spending decisions torch another cabinet colleague.
SpaceX Trading Milestone Creates First Trillionaire
A 20 percent stock pop lets the world's richest person cross into 13-digit territory with zero new product shipped.
Ego Meter: Iran Sides Chasing Victory on Pure Speculation
A memorandum of understanding emerges while both sides inflate it into historic triumph before ink dries.
Ego Meter Spikes as Govee Pushes $60 Table Lamp
Color-changing rechargeable lamp promises backyard barbeque glory in latest round of gadget self-importance.
Iran Cease-Fire Audit Exposes Nominal Limbo of Low-Intensity Violence
Two months in, the 'handled' peace still delivers steady danger without any of the paperwork.
Siri's Big Upgrade: 15 Years of Disastrous Bullshit
Even the most patient users get forgiven for expecting basic competence after this long.
Absurdity Audit: Markets Bank on SpaceX and Iran Optimism
Wall Street's latest audit reveals stocks rising on diplomatic fantasies while oil dips and SpaceX fuels the rally.
Slam Frank Pitches Its Intersectional Lens Off-Broadway
The musical trades subtlety for a provocative rebrand that still can't outrun the original story's gravity.
S&P Climbs on Iran Deal Fantasies and SpaceX IPO Hype
Investors treat vague peace whispers like gospel while salivating over SpaceX's record payday.
The Furious Ego Meter Spikes on One Choreographer's Win
Four screenwriters get credited while stunningly choreographed mayhem hands the real validation to a single badass.
SpaceX SPV Lock-Ups: Lower-Tier Investors Get Shafted
Post-IPO audit finds hidden fees and lengthy waits before anyone learns their real holdings.
Ecuador Cranks Ego Meter With Cheaper Beer for World Cup
President's temporary price cut on beer gets pitched as elite football support, proving delusion loves a discount.
Trump Skips Iran Strikes, Markets Call It a Deal
Emerging-market currencies pop on the president's canceled attacks, turning relief into imminent peace fan fiction.