Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
627 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Verge Gift Guide Recommends Gadgets Over Fathers' Actual Drinks
Father's Day happening soon and The Verge still thinks dads want $400 tech instead of simple pleasures
Sonos Play Speaker Audit Flags Portable Kitchen Scam
New Play model somehow becomes essential desk item while promising to work inside and outside like it's revolutionary.
Starmer Labels Former Deputy a 'Giant' of the Movement
The standard-issue tribute where 'giant' means the file was closed and everyone moved on.
Fed and BOE Stay 'Guarded' While Iran War Burns On
Central banks turn vague PR into an art form rather than admit they have no clue on immediate inflation damage
Absurdity Audit Flags Carter's Gillespie Booking as Peak Flex
First-of-its-kind South Lawn concert with the trumpeter proves old presidents once knew talent when they saw it.
AI Startups Audit: The SpaceX IPO Ride Delusion
Startups trying to hitch a public offering wave forget they lack the actual rocket fuel.
G7's Diplomatic Gathering Now Symbolizes Open Fragmentation
Officials spin 'frank talks' while the summit proves one man can split the whole table before it even starts.
The Universal Remote's Impossible Control Fantasy
Companies keep selling one product to rule them all, yet the idea crumbles the moment you add a second TV brand.
Minotaur Snags Sydney Prize in Highest-Selling Circus
Absurdity audit of the festival that rewards the same Cannes trophy with fresh Sydney branding.
Knicks Ego Meter Climbs From Hope to Full Delusion
The Knicks gave this city something impossible and now the delusion is giving all the love back.
Paramount's 'Successful' Merger: UFC With Trump Edition
DOJ approval now comes with ringside seats on the president's birthday because nothing says independent oversight like cage-side schmoozing.
Ego Meter Spikes as Under-Pillow Speaker 'Fixes' Sleep
Overthinkers swap uncomfortable earbuds for a flat slab that turns podcasts into proof of superior rest strategy
FBI's Replica Small Town Exists Only to Get Hacked
Alabama building houses a fake town built for simulating cyberattacks that somehow still feels less real than most corporate training videos.
Absurdity Audit: Swiss 10M Population Cap Plan
Right-wing initiative rebrands demographic control as sustainability while ignoring the chaos math.
KPMG Pulls AI Report After Hallucinations Wreck It
Consulting giant lets unreliable AI write about AI usage then acts shocked when it lies.
Caffeine Minimalists Audit Their Jitters Away
Americans emphatically swap traditional coffee for energy management theater and call it progress.
Ego Meter Breaks as Film Chases Consciousness With Pure Psychodrama
Review clocks each new level of delusion where overreacting passes for art and most people just back away.
Absurdity Audit: Pakistan's Intermediary Declares Iran Deal Expected
Official findings reveal a peace process built on hope, spin, and one hell of a timeline.