Roast Station
World Archive
75 roasts filed under World. Filtered archive, newest first.
NYT: Ukraine & Iran Wars Basically Cousins Now
Drone tech and backroom deals make every battlefield feel like the same spreadsheet.
China's Spent Rocket Stages: Audit Says Orbital Shitshow Continues
Analyst declares spent stages the most dangerous debris and confirms things will only keep getting worse.
Absurdity Audit: Ceasefire Takes Direct Hits During Talks
Iranian negotiators in Doha get a masterclass in timing as strikes redefine 'violation' on the clock.
Russia's 'Safety Advisory' to Nationals: Subtext Included
After the biggest overnight Ukrainian assaults, Moscow's fresh threats read like corporate crisis comms with extra missiles.
Hormuz Deal Audit Exposes 1,500-Ship Backlog Nightmare
An agreement followed by the complicated process of navigating a waterway still clogged with three-month-stranded vessels.
'Agree in Principle' on Hormuz: Enriched Uranium Stays Put
American and Iranian officials described the terms differently and stressed no deal has been signed
Audit Finds One More Truce That Couldn't Outrun Saturday Strikes
Lebanese hospital damaged, paramedics funerals held while the 'fragile' label gets another workout.
Ebola Risk Audit Flags Very High Congo Alert
Agency confirms regional threat raised while global health danger remains conveniently low on the scale.
PR Spins Oil Tar Pit on Protected Persian Sanctuary
Turquoise beaches now come with free wildlife taxidermy, but don't worry, it's just a 'contained anomaly.'
Ego Meter: University Squad Dives into Maldives Cave for Eternal Glory
Five Italians from Genoa turn a tropical scuba jaunt into the ultimate underwater ego implosion. Delusion level: submarine.
Saudi & UAE's Secret Iran BBQ: US Guarantees Now Toilet Paper
Gulf royals, tired of America's limp security guarantees, decide to grapple with Iran the old-fashioned way: uninvited airstrikes.
Reuters Business: Where Excitement Goes to Die
Global headlines so thrilling, you'll check your watch mid-sentence. Pull up a chair for stock tickers and mergers.
Coup Captain Ditches Democracy: 'Forget It!'
Burkina Faso's tank-toppled leader explains why elections are for suckers in his expert opinion.
Reuters Biz: Global Thrills or Snooze Fest?
Promising world-shaking headlines, delivering elevator music for your inbox.
Reuters Business: Headlines So Bland They Need IV Fluids
Global scoops from every corner... of the conference room. Pull up a chair for mergers, earnings, and existential yawn.
Intelligence Report: China Unlikely to Invade Taiwan Next Year
CNN credits Trump's peace deals for Beijing's sudden restraint. The same experts who spent years calling him a Russian asset.
Iran Finally Hits Palestinians
Tehran's 'resistance' missiles achieve their first confirmed kill: in the West Bank
Iranian Missiles: Now Hitting Their Own Gas Fields
Tehran accidentally bombing the world's largest natural gas reserve while trying to look tough