Roast Station
Every Roast, Properly Filed.
636 roasts in the newsroom so far. This page is the real browse surface: paginated, filterable, and built to keep the archive readable instead of pretending to be a second homepage.
Audit Flags Chwalinska's French Open Run as Error
114th-ranked qualifier reaches final only to meet the one teenager who doesn't do upsets.
Cockroach Janta Party Swarms Capital in Fresh Protest
Thousands of Indians turn a joke into a movement that still can't fix what's broken.
Managing Aging Parents' Money Starts With This One Mistake
NYT drops five tips plus the classic 'avoid' warning like a checklist will save you from the actual chaos.
Ego Meter Spikes as Penn Dreads Award Ceremonies
Actor's decision to never attend another one again turns dread-provoking into a full delusion broadcast.
Sullivan Bails West Ham as Historical Allegations Near Publication
Joint chairman steps down after learning serious claims drop soon – PR code for 'lawyers called, I'm gone'
Absurdity Audit: 100-Day Iran War Still Can't Land a Hit
Ballistic missiles get intercepted while the conflict approaches a grim milestone with zero resolution in sight.
Absurdity Audit Flags IBM Breach Coverup Claims
Former cybersecurity executive turned whistleblower accuses IBM of covering up mid-2010s incidents at subsidiaries instead of disclosing them.
Madonna Orders Phone Ban at Confessions Screening
An absurdity audit reveals the queen of pop demanding raw experience while technology made her famous.
IBM's Breach Coverup Gets Roasted in Its Own Audit
Former cybersecurity executive turned whistleblower accuses the company of hiding subsidiary disasters like it was standard procedure.
Absurdity Audit: IBM's Breach Cover-Up Gets Formalized
A former cybersecurity executive accuses the firm of not disclosing incidents across subsidiaries in the mid-2010s.
Putin's 'No Point' Line Decodes as Refusal to Face Zelensky
The Russian president's spin turns a meeting refusal into strategic wisdom while dodging any actual talks.
Bootstrapped Lectric Watches VC-Backed Startups Die
While competitors burned through millions and filed for bankruptcy, Lectric kept growing and launched three new brands anyway.
Snow's Alzheimer's 'Navigation' Is Just Corporate Speak for Hell
Ex-Channel 4 presenter 'reveals' diagnosis via film that turns tragedy into another PR victory lap.
Sulawesi Priests Audit: Five Genders, Zero Logic
Revered for their supposed earthly-celestial hotline via multiple genders, these Bugis figures face the formal absurdity review.
Admin Throws Billions at Dying Coal While Building New Plants
Absurdity audit reveals the plan to revive a decade-old corpse of an industry is pure denial theater.
Ego Meter Spikes as White House Rejoices on Jobs Data
Stronger-than-expected numbers get spun into midterm gold while the federal reserve quietly kills the party
Absurdity Audit: NASA Sheltered Astronauts in Dragon Over Leaks
Roscosmos findings force brief shelter as Russian module springs more holes than a colander in orbit.
Tribeca's Three-Year Portugal Deal Gets Audited
Exclusive extension to Avenida da Liberdade confirms the festival is spreading thin with zero new substance.