Year in Review
The best roasts of
2026.
559 roasts went out in 2026. Below: the top 25, ranked by editorial weight (severity × depth × thumbnail × tier). The sharpest takes, in descending order.
- 01finance·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
War Fallout 'Favors' Home Shoppers Like a Shark Favors Swimmers
AP News decodes economic Armageddon as 'trends' while your mortgage dreams drown in Iranian fallout — PR spin so thick you need a gas mask.
- 02world·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Ego Meter Cracks: Americans Demand Ebola VIP Lane in Kenya
Hundreds protest an exclusively American quarantine facility as political egos hit critical mass.
- 03culture·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
60 Minutes Calls Chaos a 'Cage Full of Tigers'
Surprise pick of a journalist-filmmaker to lead the famously combative newsroom starts with zero calm and maximum mess.
- 04entertainment·SPICY 87·UNHINGED
Ego Meter: Hollywood's Puppet Delusion Hits Critical Mass
Bob Baker's historic marionette troupe gets crowned zeitgeist savior while the actual industry burns.
- 05tech·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
OpenAI IPOs While Altman's Eye-Scanning Verification Fails
The company reportedly can't generate revenue, so it's time to downsize the eyeball scanners.
- 06culture·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Grifters, Cynics, True Believers: Vaccine History's Endless Family Feud
New book maps opponents across centuries like a reunion nobody RSVP'd to, exposing the same recycled excuses repackaged as deep thought.
- 07finance·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Managing Aging Parents' Money Starts With This One Mistake
NYT drops five tips plus the classic 'avoid' warning like a checklist will save you from the actual chaos.
- 08tech·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Google Hides Gemini 3.5 Upgrade Behind Enterprise Wall
NotebookLM gets antigravity and fresh Gemini flavor, but only if your company already pays the premium tax
- 09tech·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Verge Gift Guide Recommends Gadgets Over Fathers' Actual Drinks
Father's Day happening soon and The Verge still thinks dads want $400 tech instead of simple pleasures
- 10tech·SPICY 89·UNHINGED
FBI's Replica Small Town Exists Only to Get Hacked
Alabama building houses a fake town built for simulating cyberattacks that somehow still feels less real than most corporate training videos.
- 11politics·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
FISA Expires Tonight, Spying Certified Till 2027
Section 702 goes through the motions of death while the surveillance state just keeps the receipts.
- 12tech·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Sonos Play Speaker Audit Flags Portable Kitchen Scam
New Play model somehow becomes essential desk item while promising to work inside and outside like it's revolutionary.
- 13tech·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
OpenAI Audits Its Own Government Handcuffs
Fresh findings show OpenAI rolling out restrictions on GPT-5.6 after the government asked, then declaring this shouldn't become long-term.
- 14tech·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Valve Turned Their Controller Into a One-Man Cover Band
Because nothing screams innovation like a Steam device performing Mario while the actual hardware issues sit unaddressed.
- 15finance·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
NextEra's Dominion Grab Turns Rising Bills Into AI Fuel
The acquisition spins data center hunger as opportunity while electricity costs explode for everyone else.
- 16entertainment·SPICY 87·UNHINGED
Clockwork's Rattlecreek Grab Exposes Warner Bros Hype Machine
Park Chan-Wook's buzzy Brigands package lands at the new label after years of Cannes circling.
- 17culture·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Sulawesi Priests Audit: Five Genders, Zero Logic
Revered for their supposed earthly-celestial hotline via multiple genders, these Bugis figures face the formal absurdity review.
- 18entertainment·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Hollywood Ditches Pickleball for $20K Mahjong Tiles
Grandmother's favorite game now requires celebrity tables and the obligatory backlash about strategy disguised as fun.
- 19finance·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Education Dept Slashes Student Interest Rates by 1% — Enjoy It for Two Years
High defaults force a temporary crumb while the department pretends this fixes the debt trap it helped build.
- 20sports·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Sullivan Bails West Ham as Historical Allegations Near Publication
Joint chairman steps down after learning serious claims drop soon – PR code for 'lawyers called, I'm gone'
- 21tech·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Ego Meter Spikes as Under-Pillow Speaker 'Fixes' Sleep
Overthinkers swap uncomfortable earbuds for a flat slab that turns podcasts into proof of superior rest strategy
- 22tech·SPICY 85·UNHINGED
Deezer's Remix Feature: Consent as AI's Polite Fig Leaf
Streaming service goes contrarian by letting fans remix songs, provided the artist signs off on whatever comes next.
- 23tech·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Author Defends AI After It Faked Quotes in His Book
Rosenbaum calls the synthetic mess a feature, not a bug, in The Future of Truth.
- 24politics·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Venezuela Opens Electricity to Private Investment After Total Collapse
Fifteen years of state control produced blackouts, so now they're offering concessions like it's a generous gift instead of surrender.
- 25sports·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Arsenal Victory Parade Audit: Streets of Delayed Payoff
Hundreds of thousands of fans celebrate a Premier League title that took 22 years to arrive.
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