Year in Review
The best roasts of
2026.
401 roasts went out in 2026. Below: the top 25, ranked by editorial weight (severity × depth × thumbnail × tier). The sharpest takes, in descending order.
- 01finance·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
War Fallout 'Favors' Home Shoppers Like a Shark Favors Swimmers
AP News decodes economic Armageddon as 'trends' while your mortgage dreams drown in Iranian fallout — PR spin so thick you need a gas mask.
- 02world·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Ego Meter Cracks: Americans Demand Ebola VIP Lane in Kenya
Hundreds protest an exclusively American quarantine facility as political egos hit critical mass.
- 03culture·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
60 Minutes Calls Chaos a 'Cage Full of Tigers'
Surprise pick of a journalist-filmmaker to lead the famously combative newsroom starts with zero calm and maximum mess.
- 04tech·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
OpenAI IPOs While Altman's Eye-Scanning Verification Fails
The company reportedly can't generate revenue, so it's time to downsize the eyeball scanners.
- 05culture·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Grifters, Cynics, True Believers: Vaccine History's Endless Family Feud
New book maps opponents across centuries like a reunion nobody RSVP'd to, exposing the same recycled excuses repackaged as deep thought.
- 06finance·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Managing Aging Parents' Money Starts With This One Mistake
NYT drops five tips plus the classic 'avoid' warning like a checklist will save you from the actual chaos.
- 07tech·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Google Hides Gemini 3.5 Upgrade Behind Enterprise Wall
NotebookLM gets antigravity and fresh Gemini flavor, but only if your company already pays the premium tax
- 08tech·SPICY 89·UNHINGED
FBI's Replica Small Town Exists Only to Get Hacked
Alabama building houses a fake town built for simulating cyberattacks that somehow still feels less real than most corporate training videos.
- 09politics·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
FISA Expires Tonight, Spying Certified Till 2027
Section 702 goes through the motions of death while the surveillance state just keeps the receipts.
- 10tech·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Valve Turned Their Controller Into a One-Man Cover Band
Because nothing screams innovation like a Steam device performing Mario while the actual hardware issues sit unaddressed.
- 11finance·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
NextEra's Dominion Grab Turns Rising Bills Into AI Fuel
The acquisition spins data center hunger as opportunity while electricity costs explode for everyone else.
- 12entertainment·SPICY 87·UNHINGED
Clockwork's Rattlecreek Grab Exposes Warner Bros Hype Machine
Park Chan-Wook's buzzy Brigands package lands at the new label after years of Cannes circling.
- 13culture·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Sulawesi Priests Audit: Five Genders, Zero Logic
Revered for their supposed earthly-celestial hotline via multiple genders, these Bugis figures face the formal absurdity review.
- 14entertainment·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Hollywood Ditches Pickleball for $20K Mahjong Tiles
Grandmother's favorite game now requires celebrity tables and the obligatory backlash about strategy disguised as fun.
- 15sports·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Sullivan Bails West Ham as Historical Allegations Near Publication
Joint chairman steps down after learning serious claims drop soon – PR code for 'lawyers called, I'm gone'
- 16tech·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Ego Meter Spikes as Under-Pillow Speaker 'Fixes' Sleep
Overthinkers swap uncomfortable earbuds for a flat slab that turns podcasts into proof of superior rest strategy
- 17tech·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Author Defends AI After It Faked Quotes in His Book
Rosenbaum calls the synthetic mess a feature, not a bug, in The Future of Truth.
- 18politics·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Venezuela Opens Electricity to Private Investment After Total Collapse
Fifteen years of state control produced blackouts, so now they're offering concessions like it's a generous gift instead of surrender.
- 19sports·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Arsenal Victory Parade Audit: Streets of Delayed Payoff
Hundreds of thousands of fans celebrate a Premier League title that took 22 years to arrive.
- 20world·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Cave Keeps Two Villagers as Rescuers Say Search Continuing
Five emerge from the flooded trap while the missing stay missing in classic rescue phrasing
- 21world·SPICY 87·UNHINGED
Partial Ceasefire: Code for 'Rockets Still Flying'
Israeli strikes and Hezbollah responses turn Monday's agreement into the world's most optimistic PR release.
- 22world·SPICY 87·UNHINGED
England Births Audit Flags 50-Year Low on Bringing Kids
First-time mothers keep delaying while the official excuse is the world simply isn't nice enough anymore
- 23politics·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Graham's Trump Glow-Up: Fiercest Critic to Carolina Lapdog
The senator's relationship with the president dramatically evolved from insults to loyalty just in time for the South Carolina primary.
- 24tech·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Meta's AI Pendant Escalates Neck-Based Paranoia
Reportedly developing hardware that tracks your every thought like a jealous ex with venture capital.
- 25politics·SPICY 88·UNHINGED
Democrats Bank $50M Shot at Cracking Conservative Strongholds
American Bridge labels red turf 'vulnerable' while history says Republicans own the deed.
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