ROAST PRODUCTS
Weaponize the roast. Tools, merch, and chaos — coming soon.
RoastWish
Custom Roast Requests
Submit a target. Give us the dirt. Our roasters will craft a personalized takedown that will leave your victim questioning every life choice. Perfect for birthdays, retirements, or just because.
- ✓Personalized to your target
- ✓Choose your roaster
- ✓Delivery in 48 hours
- ✓Shareable format
Roast-On-Demand
Personalized Roasts
Upload a photo or profile. Get a full roast back within minutes. Our roasters will eviscerate your subject with surgical precision and zero apologies.
- ✓Instant delivery
- ✓Multiple roast styles
- ✓Choose severity level
- ✓Unlock all 3 roasters
Commercial Roast
We Audit Your Brand. Then Destroy It.
Corporations and their leadership have become soulless robots — and it’s killing your brand. We do a deep-dive assessment of your company, your messaging, your leadership, and your public image. Then we rip it apart. Think of it as a brand audit performed by people who actually have a pulse. The truth hurts. But it hurts less than irrelevance.
- ✓Full company brand teardown
- ✓Leadership roast report
- ✓Actionable recommendations
- ✓Confidential delivery
Merch
Wear the Damage
Rep the most unhinged newsroom on the internet. T-shirts, hoodies, and accessories that say "I have terrible judgment and I own it." Irony sold separately.
- ✓Limited drops only
- ✓Character tees & hoodies
- ✓Collector items
- ✓Ships worldwide
Products launch with the full site. Subscribe to get early access.
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