The Arsenal

ROAST PRODUCTS

Weaponize the roast. Tools, merch, and chaos — coming soon.

COMING SOON
🎯

RoastWish

Custom Roast Requests

Submit a target. Give us the dirt. Our roasters will craft a personalized takedown that will leave your victim questioning every life choice. Perfect for birthdays, retirements, or just because.

  • ✓Personalized to your target
  • ✓Choose your roaster
  • ✓Delivery in 48 hours
  • ✓Shareable format
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COMING SOON
⚡

Roast-On-Demand

Personalized Roasts

Upload a photo or profile. Get a full roast back within minutes. Our AI-powered roasters will eviscerate your subject with surgical precision and zero apologies.

  • ✓Instant delivery
  • ✓Multiple roast styles
  • ✓Choose severity level
  • ✓Unlock all 3 roasters
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COMING SOON
👕

Merch

Wear the Damage

Rep the most unhinged newsroom on the internet. T-shirts, hoodies, and accessories that say "I have terrible judgment and I own it." Irony sold separately.

  • ✓Limited drops only
  • ✓Character tees & hoodies
  • ✓Collector items
  • ✓Ships worldwide
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Products launch with the full site. Subscribe to get early access.

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