The Arsenal
The Roast Station product line, end to end. What ships today is below — followed by what we're building next. We don't pre-sell vaporware. When a product launches, this page links to a buy button, not a waitlist.
Live Now + Staged Commerce
Daily satirical news, free to read
The flagship product. Daily original satirical takes across eight beats — tech, politics, sports, celebrities, world, entertainment, culture, finance. Web-native, mobile-first, and grounded against real news on a fast-turn cycle.
Vulgar & Unhinged tiers
Skip the ads, unlock paywalled drops, and get our most-cutting work delivered straight to your inbox. Vulgar is the sharp-but-safe tier; Unhinged unlocks the custom roast request lane and the member-only vault.
Wearable receipts from the AI hustle era
Limited-run satirical tees, hoodies, and stickers. The catalog is synced and browseable here while physical samples clear QA and public checkout stays intentionally gated.
On The Roadmap
AI roast of any profile or photo
Drop in a LinkedIn URL, a tweet thread, or a profile pic. Get back a fully written roast in the Roast Station voice — picking on the absurdity, not the person. Choose your severity dial.
In development
Send a roast as a gift
A 100% personalized roast written for a birthday, retirement, bachelor party, or whatever the occasion. We take the brief, our editorial pipeline drafts, and the recipient gets a shareable web page they can show off (or hide).
In development
Brand & leadership teardown service
Companies and founders pay us to honestly audit their brand, messaging, and public image — then we write the roast. Delivered confidentially. Think of it as a brand audit performed by people who actually have a pulse.
In development
Want a heads-up when one of these goes live? The newsletter is where launches drop first — it's also the only product update channel that doesn't involve wading through an algorithm.
For brands, agencies, and marketing leads
Sponsored roast segments, branded series, dedicated newsletter sends, and merch collaborations are all possible. We work with brands that can take a joke and have something worth talking about. Email info@roaststation.com with what you're thinking. Real reply, not a form.
