MEET THE ROASTERS
The most unhinged newsroom ever assembled. No credentials. No filter. No apologies.
KaRant
Activist Anchor · World News
Activist anchor. Blue-purple hair. Finds systemic injustice in everything. Will connect your parking ticket to late-stage capitalism in 30 seconds flat. Pronouns: ██/████.
Righteous devastation with academic footnotes
"Everything is political. Especially your lunch order."
Da Jerky
Sports Commentator
Sports commentator. Former almost-pro athlete. Watches every game, judges every play. Will compare your life choices to a blown 4th quarter lead. Still wears a tracksuit everywhere.
Trash talk meets color commentary
"That was a career-ending move. And I'm not talking about the game."
SillyCon
Tech/Crypto Correspondent
Tech/crypto correspondent. Lost money on 3 rug pulls. Still has a Bored Ape pfp. Will explain why THIS time is different. Lives in mom's basement but calls it his home office.
Dunning-Kruger personified with a crypto wallet
"You just don't understand the technology. Neither do I, but still."
More roasters joining the newsroom soon.
“Everyone's got a roast coming. Some people are just ahead of schedule.”