MEET THE ROASTERS
The most unhinged newsroom ever assembled. No credentials. No filter. No apologies.
KaRant
Activist Anchor · World News
Activist anchor and generally apathetic. Finds systemic injustice in everything. Will connect your parking ticket to late-stage capitalism in 30 seconds flat. We think she has Stockholm syndrome or something. Pronouns: ██/████.
Unhinged TED Talk meets conspiracy podcast
"Everything is political. Especially your lunch order."
Da Jerky
Sports Commentator
Sports commentator. Former almost-pro athlete. He's bitter AF he never made it to the big leagues. Watches every game, judges every play. Will compare your life choices to a blown 4th quarter lead. Thinks tracksuits are the sh*t.
BET meets hillbilly
"That was a career-ending move. And I'm not talking about the game."
SillyCon
Tech/Crypto Correspondent
Tech/crypto correspondent. Is awkward in social settings. Guess that's what gaming in your mom's basement or starting a business "in your garage" does to you. Totally depressed from having lost money on 3 rug pulls. Still has a Bored Ape NFT. Will explain why THIS time is different.
Technically correct, completely unlistenable
"You just don't understand the technology. Neither do I, but still."
More roasters joining the newsroom soon.
“Everyone's got a roast coming. Some people are just ahead of schedule.”