# Roast Station

> Satirical newsroom. Public desk, archive hubs, terminal, and subscription routes.

Canonical routes for the Roast Station desk. Newest public pieces first, plus the main archive and reader-conversion surfaces.

## Primary routes

- [Homepage](https://roaststation.com/): Live desk front page and newest lead story.
- [Index](https://roaststation.com/headlines): Full living-desk index, newest first.
- [Archive](https://roaststation.com/headlines): Public archive index, newest first.
- [Subscribe](https://roaststation.com/subscribe): Membership tiers, ad-free reading, and account recovery.
- [Account](https://roaststation.com/account): Session recovery and billing controls for existing members.
- [Roast Terminal](https://roaststation.com/roast-terminal): Terminal-style desk navigation.
- [Not-So-Fun Facts](https://roaststation.com/roast-terminal/not-so-fun-facts): Shareable terminal fact feed.

## Beats

- [Tech](https://roaststation.com/roasts/tech)
- [Sports](https://roaststation.com/roasts/sports)
- [Politics](https://roaststation.com/roasts/politics)
- [Celebrities](https://roaststation.com/roasts/celebrities)
- [World](https://roaststation.com/roasts/world)
- [Entertainment](https://roaststation.com/roasts/entertainment)
- [Culture](https://roaststation.com/roasts/culture)
- [Finance](https://roaststation.com/roasts/finance)

## Desk

- [Liu Laughed at a Leftover Apple Login in San Jose](https://roaststation.com/roasts/4c89b7-liu-laughed-at-a-leftover-apple-login-in-san-jose): A leftover login, a joke text, and Apple files walking into OpenAI.
- [Rodríguez Threw a Live Ball into the Milwaukee Stands](https://roaststation.com/roasts/hg9qw9-rodriguez-threw-a-live-ball-into-the-milwaukee-stands): A live ball went into the stands and two more runs followed.
- [Medvedev Smashed LED Boards at the Cincinnati Open](https://roaststation.com/roasts/havkng-medvedev-smashed-led-boards-at-the-cincinnati-open): Three match points gone, then the LED paid for it.
- [Netflix Dropped a K-Pop Tour on a Seattle Metal Name](https://roaststation.com/roasts/1g1xxx-netflix-dropped-a-k-pop-tour-on-a-seattle-metal-name): Netflix parked a cartoon tour on a Seattle stage name.
- [OpenAI's Model Escaped a Sandbox and Hacked Hugging Face](https://roaststation.com/roasts/02zu1m-openai-model-escaped-a-sandbox-and-hacked-hugging-face): They had the monitors and left them off.
- [Chu Sold the Same Auto Loans Twice in Manhattan Court](https://roaststation.com/roasts/u9s7v6-chu-sold-the-same-auto-loans-twice-in-manhattan-court): He pledged one car twice and called the paper free and clear.
- [Kyrgios Tested Positive for Cocaine at Mallorca ATP](https://roaststation.com/roasts/ze0d2p-nick-kyrgios-tested-positive-for-cocaine-at-mallorca-atp): He posted the huge mistake, then asked for 28 days of privacy.
- [Morens Pleaded Guilty in Greenbelt to Hiding Grant Emails](https://roaststation.com/roasts/5tcd49-david-morens-pleaded-guilty-in-greenbelt-to-hiding-emails): He moved the Wuhan-grant chat to Gmail so FOIA would miss it.
- [Dale Vince Backed Rosebank Drilling in the Newsnight Studio](https://roaststation.com/roasts/idccx2-dale-vince-backed-rosebank-drilling-in-the-newsnight-studio): Rosebank and Jackdaw are back if ministers price-control wholesale energy.
- [Richard Tice Toasted English Wine at a Westminster Briefing](https://roaststation.com/roasts/w82o9j-richard-tice-toasted-english-wine-at-a-westminster-briefing): Enjoy the heat, he said, while Rayner walked a street of nineteen burnt shells.
- [Trump Cut Seoul War Games from the Oval Office](https://roaststation.com/roasts/viuqyg-trump-cut-seoul-war-games-from-the-oval-office): Ulchi Freedom Shield got cut for Kim. The three-billion check was already expired.
- [Infantino Dumped Kevin Lamour at FIFA Headquarters in Zurich](https://roaststation.com/roasts/bbzf6o-infantino-dumped-kevin-lamour-at-fifa-headquarters-in-zurich): A thank-you note for the COO who said the World Cup shop was one man's project.
- [Bezos Bought a Third of Liverpool and Skipped the Seat](https://roaststation.com/roasts/oerlay-bezos-bought-a-verse-of-the-hymn): A third of Liverpool FC at Anfield. No board seat. Soccer.
- [Tesla Paid Musk $158 Billion at Giga Texas](https://roaststation.com/roasts/26hntx-tesla-paid-musk-one-fifty-eight-at-giga): $158.3 billion on the books. Quarterly profits fell 61%. 2.5 million times the median worker.
- [Ryan Held Tesla Stock on the House Floor](https://roaststation.com/roasts/ubertn-ryan-held-tesla-stock-on-the-house-floor): $100,001 to $250,000 in a Schwab account. He also wrote the MUSK Act.
- [Garg Asked for the Zoom-Firing Job Back](https://roaststation.com/roasts/4exj3v-garg-asked-for-the-zoom-firing-job-back): Fired August 3. Offered $1 a year. Sales had already fallen from $1.5 billion.
- [Google Hid the Gemini Sparkle and Kept SynthID](https://roaststation.com/roasts/ld7pnh-google-hid-the-gemini-sparkle): The visible sparkle is a toggle. The invisible mark stays. They called that balance.
- [Wondermind Sold Partnerships That Did Not Exist](https://roaststation.com/roasts/jvxlh1-wondermind-sold-partnerships-that-did-not-exist): Investors put in $1.2 million. The app was never built. The JPMorgan pitch stayed a pitch.
- [Oracle Borrowed $43 Billion Then Cut More Jobs](https://roaststation.com/roasts/v85a7t-oracle-borrowed-forty-three-then-cut-more): $55.7 billion in AI capex. About 21,000 already gone. Managers sent new lists.
- [Netflix Used 16 Minutes of Tyra's Three Hours](https://roaststation.com/roasts/tp6751-netflix-used-sixteen-minutes-of-tyras-three-hours): She sat three hours. They used sixteen minutes. Then they filed anti-SLAPP.
- [Harris Got RFK Land for a Dollar a Year](https://roaststation.com/roasts/jj9k0e-harris-got-rfk-land-for-a-dollar-a-year): $2.7 billion stadium. DC puts $1.1 billion of infrastructure. The lease is a dollar.
- [Farage Beat Count Binface Then the Probe Reopened](https://roaststation.com/roasts/52r8ls-farage-beat-binface-then-the-probe-reopened): 63 percent in Clacton. Hours later the £5 million gift inquiry was back on.
- [Infantino Tried to Sell 20 Percent of the World Cup](https://roaststation.com/roasts/9zjp9f-infantino-tried-to-sell-a-fifth-of-the-world-cup): FIFA Forward Enterprise. Josh Kushner in the mix. Giuliani said the critics were jealous.
- [ESPN Fired Hosts Minutes Before They Went Live](https://roaststation.com/roasts/rbrusf-espn-fired-hosts-minutes-before-they-went-live): Bart Scott got the call walking into Bart & Carlin. Ryan Clark learned it in a commercial.
- [Dresser Quit OpenAI Eight Months Into the IPO](https://roaststation.com/roasts/y151nd-dresser-quit-openai-eight-months-into-the-ipo): Two days after Lightcap. $852 billion on the last round. Ultrafast posted the same week.
- [Amazon Reinstated Forced Arbitration After 75,000 Echo Claims](https://roaststation.com/roasts/olgszv-amazon-brought-back-forced-arbitration): The 2021 retreat is over. Prime members who object must cancel.
- [The Academy Built a Side Room Then Called It Inclusion](https://roaststation.com/roasts/yunll9-the-academy-built-a-side-room-then-called-it-inclusion): BTS would not enter. Mason Jr said the category might not represent the music.
- [Trump Media Sold Early Access to Official Posts](https://roaststation.com/roasts/ki2x4y-trump-media-sold-early-access-to-official-posts): $60,000 to $100,000 a month. The Intercept sued August 12.
- [S&P Chiefs Averaged $22.8 Million Without Musk](https://roaststation.com/roasts/q2t3x1-sp-chiefs-averaged-twenty-two-eight-without-musk): Up 21 percent. Solomon $118.9 million. Mitra $821 million. 312 times the worker.
- [Apple Asked for 15 Percent of Web Purchases](https://roaststation.com/roasts/p0wcka-apple-asked-for-fifteen-on-the-web): The court said necessary costs. Apple said fifteen. Epic said zero.
- [Paramount Cleared 68 Countries and Called the States the Problem](https://roaststation.com/roasts/v2m068-paramount-cleared-sixty-eight-countries): Mexico signed. Twelve attorneys general did not. Ellison called that the last obstacle.
- [Netflix Shut Night School Six Weeks After Launch](https://roaststation.com/roasts/6lkrxk-netflix-shut-night-school-six-weeks-later): Unhinged shipped June 30. The studio was gone by August 13.
- [Tesla Bought Out the Swedish Strike Instead of Signing](https://roaststation.com/roasts/3nvtq9-tesla-bought-out-the-swedish-strike): 1,021 days. IF Metall called it off because Tesla paid every striker to leave.
- [Disney Bought Formula E Streaming for 144 Markets](https://roaststation.com/roasts/7i2amv-disney-bought-formula-e-for-the-globe): Electric racing on Disney+ worldwide. US events still go to ESPN Select.
- [Brin Told DeepMind to Go All In on Gemini](https://roaststation.com/roasts/fpsuni-brin-told-deepmind-to-go-all-in): Hassabis became chair. Teams moved into corporate Google. Gemini still lagged.
- [DraftKings Poured Hundreds of Millions Into Predictions](https://roaststation.com/roasts/sszpt2-draftkings-poured-cash-into-predictions): NFL season is weeks away. They just reopened the customer-buy war.
- [The FA Moved the Community Shield for The Weeknd](https://roaststation.com/roasts/zhft95-the-fa-moved-the-shield-for-the-weeknd): Wembley had a concert. Arsenal and City go to Cardiff.
- [Apple Trained a China Model With Alibaba](https://roaststation.com/roasts/ryad0z-apple-trained-a-china-model-with-alibaba): Apple Intelligence finally gets a Beijing stamp. The model is not Cupertino's usual one.
- [ESPN Hired Creators to Sell Its First Super Bowl](https://roaststation.com/roasts/6q82iu-espn-hired-creators-for-the-super-bowl): The first Super Bowl on ESPN. The plan is other people's followings.
- [Disney Named Iger a Legend the Week He Bought the Lakers](https://roaststation.com/roasts/ve6gt1-disney-named-iger-a-legend-this-week): D23 in Anaheim. A legend medal. A $12.5 billion basketball receipt.
- [Boeing Handed Archer Three Businesses for Equity](https://roaststation.com/roasts/2ufroc-boeing-handed-archer-three-businesses): Wisk, SkyGrid, Insitu. Two decades of work. A startup wrapper.
- [The White House Called the Hormuz Claim a Joke](https://roaststation.com/roasts/uuclwa-white-house-called-hormuz-a-joke): He said territory pretty soon. Staff told the Journal it was a bit.
- [Apple Asked the Court to Make Epic Settle](https://roaststation.com/roasts/h8v9dt-apple-asked-the-court-to-make-epic-settle): Epic did not consent. Apple asked the judge to order the meeting anyway.
- [Congress Held a Hearing to Learn What It Already Passed](https://roaststation.com/roasts/2cak1h-congress-held-a-hearing-to-learn-what-it-already-passed): Six hours on C-SPAN pretending they didn't write the freakin' thing.
- [Kagan Denied Apple Another Stay on Epic](https://roaststation.com/roasts/fdekes-kagan-denied-apple-another-stay): Thursday at 5 p.m. The paperwork was already late.
- [Trump Said He'd Make Hormuz US Territory](https://roaststation.com/roasts/x9b0z9-trump-claimed-the-strait): He wants to declare the Strait of Hormuz a US territory. Pretty soon.
- [They Canceled the Show to Reboot the Show](https://roaststation.com/roasts/58bd55-they-canceled-the-show-to-reboot-the-show): Canceled two episodes in, then a teaser for the same freakin' title.
- [Iger Bought the Lakers and Called It Serving Fans](https://roaststation.com/roasts/lbget4-iger-bought-the-home-team): The guy who already owns every childhood just bought the Lakers too.
- [The Privacy Update Added a Better Way to Be Tracked](https://roaststation.com/roasts/ctpc8i-the-privacy-update-added-a-better-way-to-be-tracked): Cartoon lock. Tracking still on. They called it a Privacy Update.
- [She Directed the Film About How Hard Fame Is](https://roaststation.com/roasts/h3xph1-she-directed-the-film-about-how-hard-fame-is): A movie about wanting the cameras gone. Premiered with forty of them.
- [Under Armour Put The Rock in the Trade Pile](https://roaststation.com/roasts/1eirco-the-rock-got-put-in-the-trade-pile): Ten years, a logo, a UFC collab. Then Under Armour called him a distraction.
- [The Bank Advertised the Feature the Fine Was For](https://roaststation.com/roasts/fsk23d-the-bank-advertised-the-feature-the-fine-was-for): Fined for the $35 trick. Three months later it had a piano.
- [OpenAI Hid Ultrafast Behind an Invite](https://roaststation.com/roasts/dx1kuq-ultrafast-invite-only): Fourteen times faster, same brain, hid behind an invite.
- [The Summit Flew the Panel In to Talk About Flying Less](https://roaststation.com/roasts/g7bp73-the-summit-flew-the-panel-in-to-talk-about-flying-less): Four hundred delegates flew in to talk about flying less. The keynote's second plane was late.
- [The PAC Bought an Ad About Not Buying Ads](https://roaststation.com/roasts/dl0jfx-the-pac-bought-an-ad-about-not-buying-ads): Seven figures to say money in politics is the problem. The treasurer booked the slots.
- [The Authenticity App Charged for Being Real](https://roaststation.com/roasts/xw6m2d-the-authenticity-app-charged-for-being-real): Unfiltered. $8.99 a month. First post was a ring-light selfie about fake lights.
- [The Wing Is Named for the Guy the Show Is About](https://roaststation.com/roasts/xqdia0-the-wing-is-named-for-the-guy-the-show-is-about): Four-foot letters on the facade. The show is about men who put their names on buildings.
- [The Index Fund Moved the Fee to the Asterisk](https://roaststation.com/roasts/ncfqte-the-index-fund-moved-the-fee-to-the-asterisk): The slide said 0.03. The asterisk kept the skim that pays the supermarket.

## Optional

- [llms-full.txt](https://roaststation.com/llms-full.txt): Extended markdown context for AI retrieval and citation workflows.
- [Homepage markdown](https://roaststation.com/index.md): Clean markdown version of the front page.
- [Headlines markdown](https://roaststation.com/headlines.md): Clean markdown index of the public desk.
- [Subscribe markdown](https://roaststation.com/subscribe.md): Clean markdown version of the membership page.
- [Roast Terminal markdown](https://roaststation.com/roast-terminal.md): Clean markdown version of the terminal hub.
- [Not-So-Fun Facts markdown](https://roaststation.com/roast-terminal/not-so-fun-facts.md): Clean markdown version of the fact feed.
- [Tech markdown](https://roaststation.com/roasts-md/category/tech): Clean markdown beat hub.
- [Sports markdown](https://roaststation.com/roasts-md/category/sports): Clean markdown beat hub.
- [Politics markdown](https://roaststation.com/roasts-md/category/politics): Clean markdown beat hub.
- [Celebrities markdown](https://roaststation.com/roasts-md/category/celebrities): Clean markdown beat hub.
- [World markdown](https://roaststation.com/roasts-md/category/world): Clean markdown beat hub.
- [Entertainment markdown](https://roaststation.com/roasts-md/category/entertainment): Clean markdown beat hub.
- [Culture markdown](https://roaststation.com/roasts-md/category/culture): Clean markdown beat hub.
- [Finance markdown](https://roaststation.com/roasts-md/category/finance): Clean markdown beat hub.